Planet Bahá'í

In the modern world, marriage is often looked upon with suspicion, if not outright scorn. Divorce rates are high, and many people view matrimony as confining at best and disaster waiting to happen at worst. But must it be so?

No. 'Abdu'l-Bahá had quite a different view of marriage. He once wrote,

The true marriage of Bahá'ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá'í marriage.

(Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, #86, p. 118)

The spiritual character of marriage must be recognized, for without it there is little "glue" to hold together the union of wife and husband. A union rooted in physical attraction alone is likely to be short-lived, for physical attraction is but a very small part of life, and ultimately a very insignificant one at that. The psychological, emotional, and spiritual challenges of living side-by-side with another human being for any length of time are enormous. The "binding energy" must be equally great if those challenges are to be overcome. Physical attraction simply cannot provide that much energy.

It is interesting to note that in the above passage, the Master did not say that one should enter into marriage expecting only to get something for oneself. Rather, He said that the couple must "improve the spiritual life of each other." The emphasis here is on what each partner can give to the other, not what each partner can get from the other. In congratulating a couple on their wedding, He took the concept even further:

O ye my two beloved children! The news of your union, as soon as it reached me, imparted infinite joy and gratitude. Praise be to God, those two faithful birds have sought shelter in one nest. I beseech God that He may enable them to raise an honoured family, for the importance of marriage lieth in the bringing up of a richly blessed family, so that with entire gladness they may, even as candles, illuminate the world. For the enlightenment of the world dependeth upon the existence of man. If man did not exist in this world, it would have been like a tree without fruit. My hope is that you both may become even as one tree, and may, through the outpourings of the cloud of loving-kindness, acquire freshness and charm, and may blossom and yield fruit, so that your line may eternally endure.

(ibid, #88, p. 120)

Here, we see marriage as the root of the progress of the entire world. Through marriage, a couple does not merely give to each other, but gives to humanity as a whole. The degree to which they do so depends upon their efforts at raising "a richly blessed family" that may "illuminate the world." These blessings and this illumination are, as marriage itself, spiritual in nature.

In pondering this, an important principle from the Bahá'í teachings comes to mind: service to humanity. Marriage, seen in the light of the above passages, is one form of service to humanity. If a couple enters into marriage in this spirit, seeking a union that is not merely physical but fundamentally spiritual, they will be enabled to forge a relationship that will last throughout all eternity.

So my advice to newlyweds, for whatever it's worth, is this: don't think too much about what you get out of marriage. Think rather about what you can put into it. Seek to serve each other and to help each other grow in mind and spirit. Seek to serve the world by providing a solid foundation for such children as may be in your future. And never dwell so much on the problems at hand that they prevent you from seeing the truth, that yours is an eternal bond.